Doing "it" All
my foundation and wild cards for gardening (& beyond) with kids
Today’s post poured out of me after a week of some deep conversations with friends and acquaintances outside of the homesteading world. As a gentle reminder, I’m always showing up in this space to share from my own experience. That said, I hope this inspires some gardening with or around your children, if you have them. I learned early in motherhood that I had to make room for myself while also being a mom. I will wait until the end of my time if I have to find time outside of being Mom.
& we’re in the middle of Garden Club - an 8-week series where I share weekly lesson plans with hands-on activities for pre-school aged children. It’s totally free, and I hope you check it out!
I had a realization today that the compliments that are the hardest to accept are the ones that hit at our insecurities, kinda like how the criticisms that hit the hardest have some truth to them.
I hate hearing “you do so much! And with 2 little kids!”. Mostly because I am certainly not doing it all. I’ve worn my husband’s boxers like 4 times last month because I didn’t have clean underwear, we already have the summer bugs flying around the kitchen, I buy a lot of store bought bread, somehow my daughter always pees on the bathroom floor (like, how?!?), and I climb into bed every night with rollover on my to do list flashing across my closed eye lids like a ticker tape.
More than anything, this comment makes me feel like I’m not seen. On one hand, it’s a well-intentioned remark for how hard I work, and that does make me feel good, but it has an implication that it’s all easy or without sacrifice. I’m not asking for sympathy, but when you consider that most people who say this are not living a homegrown life, it just feels like a dismissal. As in, it’s easy for me, but it wouldn’t be for them, so we can keep going through the motions in our separate lanes. Maybe I don’t talk about my failures or hardships enough. I make things look too easy. But is that really true? I feel like I share each failure, I admit when I’m wrong, and have you seen my hair? I’m a hot mess!
And so yes, you do see me “doing it all” with my children in tow. Most days, I have to succumb to them or they have to succumb to me. On the perfect days, we meet each other in the middle. What do I mean? There’s a lot of push and pull happening “behind the scenes” - I have my priorities and they have theirs. Some days they play independently, close by, and we each do our own thing. Some days, they are actively involved in “my things”. Other days, I have to throw every goal for the day out the window and just be mom. It’s not good or bad, it’s just the flow.
The Foundation
I credit my ability to efficiently get things done and move in a lot of directions at once, especially with children, to my days working in restaurants. Basically, I thrive on chaos. Some days certainly feel chaotic, but most of the time I don’t register it. After I wrote this whole post about my “wild cards” for homesteading, or more specifically, gardening with kids, I realized that I also have created a foundation for our lifestyle that deserves more of the credit. So I’ll start there.
Without this foundation, a specific style and rhythm, to weave gardening into our lives, it would be much more challenging to show up and grow at the scale that we do. I am “head gardener” around here and only rely on my husband to check some of my crazy ideas, when I need an additional pair of hands for builds or moving large items, and for busy planting and harvest periods. I classify our garden scale as “homestead garden”, which to me means that you’re growing for seasons beyond the present. I have over 150 tomato plants, 50 pepper plants, 500 garlic and onion, and on and on. It’s not your typical backyard garden. This advice may not fit your “scale” of garden, but I find that it applies to any activity we parents hope to show up for consistently.
The garden is infused into our lifestyle. Growing up, the garden was something that existed firmly within 4 months of the year from the end of May to the beginning of September. For us, it’s a year-round conversation, and something that’s part of our family dynamic. We grow and harvest at least a little each month, have daily conversations about the food we are eating, and reminisce on growing it. While I’m the most hands-on with the garden, my whole family is involved in each phase from picking out seeds, to planning the garden, seed starting and planting, harvesting and cooking or preserving.
We weave gardening into our routine. Every day looks a little different, but my kids know that on Fridays and Mondays during the growing season, we wake up and take our breakfast to the garden. I wander and make a mental (or physical) list of priorities, they wander and play. We do the same for lunches and weekends - the garden is our anchor and our days flow around it.
Set clear boundaries. Over time, we have developed boundaries about actions and areas for the kids. The kids can roam, within limits. They know where they can harvest, what they can eat, where they can dig, and what they can play in or on within the garden itself. These are both for safety and sanity - we don’t even show my 20-month-old the green tomatoes, otherwise he’d pick them all off the vines!
Garden with them. Yes, it takes longer. Yes, plants get ruined. Yes, it’s messy. But the more you include kids in these everyday (for our family) activities and give them real tasks to do, the more they feel a sense of belonging in the space and the more they actually want to be there. Just this week my 4-year-old has sat with me on a blanket cleaning garlic. She sticks around for about 2-3 heads and then moves on to play. I was tempted to say, no, this is for Mama to do, but that’s not our philosophy.
Deliberate play. We are always telling stories, playing games, and singing songs. It keeps things light and fun.
The Wild Cards
For days when I’m feeling overwhelmed with my responsibilities and need to get things done, I turn to these wild cards. Basically, my homestead garden mama survival handbook.
Snacks. Need I say more? We frequently have breakfast or lunch in the garden. I’ve also been loving the grazing board idea, where I take a huge plate and fill it with a plethora of foods. Some fruits and veggies, pretzels or even waffles, yogurt or peanut butter for dipping, and even chocolate chips. Over 2 hours in the garden, the entire thing is devoured. I think it’s a lowkey nutrition hack too - sure, not everything is healthy, but most of it is, and they eventually eat all the veggies I add to the plate. They come and go - it’s something to ground them, and keeps them independent.
Water. Not for drinking, although that’s good too. Sometimes it’s just a bucket, but usually it’s our mud kitchen. We do have a small water table as well. Throw some flowers in it and ask them to make you a cake. Buys you at least 20 minutes, likely longer.
Dig Zones. I got this idea from a mom sharing about how she loves the library because it’s a place where she can almost always say yes. It stuck with me and I decided to designate a few areas in the garden as “Yes beds”. Can I eat this? Yes. Can I dig? Yes. Can I climb in this one? Yes.
Rewards. I know some parents avoid rewards, but I’m not talking about building bad habits or using it to leverage behavior. Promising bouquet making (my 4-year-old loves picking the flowers and making her own bouquet) or special craft time if they help or play independently while you get through a task helps a lot.
What would you add?