November Coexists
the energy this month and more oxymoronic thoughts
I’m not sure that it’s a good idea that I am finally sitting down to put words on the screen the morning after this election. I’ve been sitting with the energy of this month for the past week and keep jotting notes down in my various notebooks. Here’s a glance:
fear & liberation
retreat & build community
feeling light in the dark
Do you see the theme?
Coexistence
On the other hand, maybe it’s perfectly fitting that I’m sitting down to write this post when I’m feeling disrespected, deflated, disappointed, hated and hateful. And also, empowered, motivated, and determined. The country and our government showed up this week and told us that they don’t care about women’s rights. They don’t care about the Earth. They don’t care about the future. The blindness of their (your?) “right now” mentality is meant to make us feel defeated and cause us to retreat. To become isolated. And that’s why it’s more important than ever to come together, keep talking, keep sharing, and keep building community.
Even prior to the election, the energy of November has been conflicting. Opposites showing up together, at the same time. Coexisting.
I’ve long had many of the thoughts that I will share in this post, but today I feel less afraid of them. I feel a lot of fear for the next for years (and the consequences beyond), for the unrest over the next few months, for my own rights and those of my daughter. But I’m also experiencing a liberation.
Fear & Liberation
I spent most of my life thinking I was a Pisces (March 20th), only to find out that I am Aries (sun) when all of the birth chart apps became popular a few years ago. It was a memorable moment because it felt like I was finally owning my identity. It coincided with a long personal journey of unlearning all of the parts of myself that existing out of obligation and expectation and making space for who I truly am (& slowly figuring that out).
This energy is repeated this month. I frequently quiet myself and my opinions. I have been feeling dismissed by social media, some of my friends, and some of my family. I feel misunderstood. A lot. Consequently, I retreat to old habits of people-pleasing, molding myself into someone I am not, or at least hiding parts of myself under the guise of ease. I say I don’t care about followers or views or likes, but I rearrange my thoughts and water down my words to please an algorithm.
At the end of the day, I’m sharing here and on Instagram to build community for myself. To hopefully build community for you. I’m doing everyone a disservice, most notably myself, if I’m not allowing myself to speak freely. If I’m afraid of someone disagreeing with me, living a slightly different way, or seeing something that they misunderstand.
So, not anymore.
November is liberating your fears
your words have power, use them
record voice notes in lieu of written journal entries and practice using a strong and confident voice; allow your voice to empower you
Retreat & Build Community
Leading up to November, I have been feeling the pull to be quiet. To stay home. To cancel meetings and calls. I’ve shared only lighthearted updates with friends and family, keeping my relationships superficial. I’ve been retreating.
In a way, this feels natural for November. A month for decomposing. The shift in seasons and focus is harsh and drastic in October, not leaving much room for settling in. That’s what November feels like. The aftermath of realizations, adjusting to time changes and creating space for more thoughtful action and reflection.
As we transition to November, and especially this morning after the election results, I am feeling the desire to retreat from online spaces and from quick transactions that lack context and discussion. I desire, and deserve, to take up space and time.
Community feels like the perfect solution. To gather in person, not necessarily with an agenda, but to create and give space for others. To collectively heal, amplify voices, and empower each other.
I have a few ideas for ways I’d like to gather in person this winter, but am a little stumped on how I want to transition my online community in this way. Every solution I have feels like its adding to clutter and noise, where I want it to feel cozy and safe. If you have any ideas, please let me know.
November is retreating to community
attend a local gathering and talk to new people
note your energy afterwards
Feeling Light in the Dark
This first week of November has been heavy. We started with daylight savings time, which if you have young children like me, means you’ve been waking up at 5 or early every day. My daughter was wide awake at midnight last night and asked me to wake up with her. I finally got her settled and asleep for my son to wake up at 3 am raring to go. That’s on top of me restlessly checking my phone and refreshing election results until 1 am.
We have windows open, doors open, fans running and we’re dressed for summer weather. In November. I am torn between feeling elated to have extra time outside without having to bundle up and feeling despair for our Earth and its changing climate. It’s becoming harder and harder to ignore, and I’m afraid it will be too late when [capital] WE realize awaken to it.
Despite the increased darkness and heaviness of the world, I feel a lightness. I attribute it to having a clear direction and purpose after months of feeling lost at sea. I’m also thirteen months postpartum, and while still breastfeeding, we have weaned significantly over the last month (Durham’s doing, not mine). So in a way, I feel like I am reclaiming my body, if only in bits and pieces.
I woke up this morning and felt called to the darkness. I mentioned that I didn’t sleep well and I woke up early - an hour before my already devastatingly early alarm (5:14 am). It was pouring. I wanted to cry. I wanted to sob. I wanted to punch the wall and give in to the despair and hate and helplessness. I have all of these half-thoughts pop up that I don’t allow myself to finish for fear of falling deeper into this rabbit hole. I’m sure that moment is coming, but right now, the light is still shining and I’m crawling my way back to it. The only thing waiting for me at the bottom of the rabbit hole is a wolf.
November is feeling light in the darkness
Create magic in the mundane
We can’t control most things in life, but we can find joy in everyday moments. Joy spreads as much, if not more, than hate.
Thank you for sharing Laura—I love your idea of spreading joy ❤️ We need it now more than ever.